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How to Watch the Super Bowl like a Goddamn American
Quick! The Super Bowl is on TV this Sunday (BBC 2, 10:50pm) and acting like you know all about the NFL is vital to avoiding any potential embarrassment. Step 1: comment on this article about how you really do know about the NFL and can't believe other people don't.
Done that? Nice.
The Basics
The 50th Super Bowl is taking place between the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. Pick a team and act fiercely defensive when you meet supporters of the other team. It's no fun otherwise.
Don't say it looks like rugby and don't engage in "how would rugby players do in American Football games?" discussions, or visa versa.
We spoke to Nat Coombs, Channel 4 NFL commentator, to break down the rules:
The objective is drive the ball down the field as efficiently as you can until you score either a Touchdown (definitely not the same as a rugby try). This is worth six points.
The attacking team has four attempts, called downs, to move the ball forward at least ten yards. Fail to do that and the other team gets the pigskin.
A kick through the upright (that big H bar at each end of the pitch that is not the same as the one in rugby) is worth an extra point after a touchdown. If it's not after a touchdown then it's a field goal and worth three points. Teams usually try for a field goal from around 50 yards or nearer on fourth down. Often they want to bank the points rather than risk coughing the ball up back to the other side.
Sound Like a Pro
But let's face it: knowing the basics isn't going to get you fame and adoration. Here are Coombs' five facts about this game you can repackage and confidently pass off as your own opinions.
Quarterback vs Quarterback
Two very contrasting quarterbacks go head to head in Super Bowl 50. The Broncos have grizzled veteran Peyton Manning, one of the all time greats, playing what's most likely his final game. The Panthers have the poster boy for the next generation of exciting quarterbacks, Cam Newton. He's young, brash, gifted and trying to win his very first Super Bowl. It's a classic old guard versus new-blood match.
Panthers Offense vs Broncos Defence
Newton leads one of the more explosive offenses in the NFL, while Denver have the number one ranked defence. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
The Big Guys
It's easy to focus on the offensive stars that score (most) of the points, but Sunday's game will have some of the most talented defensive players in the NFL. Luke Kuechly and Thomas Davis of the Panthers are amongst the best linebacker (don't worry about what that means) tandems in the game. While Bronco duo Von Miller and DeMarcus Ware are equally dangerous. Throwing out names other than Manning and Newton will immediately impress everyone in the room.
Unsung Heroes
Games are often decided by one key play and it's often a more marginal player that makes it. In Super Bowl 42, the New York Giants' David Tyree made one of the most famous catches in Super Bowl history. Few had heard of him before and he didn't do a whole lot more after.
Overtime
Americans hate a draw so they add time onto games until one team emerges victorious. While no Super Bowl has ever gone to overtime before this may be the match to do it. The Panthers are the clear favourites but against the Bronco defence it could be a long match.
By Matthew Huckle
Where to Watch Super Bowl 50 in the UK
Make no mistake, Super Bowl 50 will be a grand old affair. While the Beeb is screening it on BBC 2, the game kicks off at 11:30pm, so unless you're convinced you won't start snoozing on the sofa, it's worth heading out. Here are options in seven major UK cities.
Belfast
When the national American Football champions of Ireland, the Belfast Trojans, hire out their own hotel to host a Super Bowl Party, then it's probably worth getting involved, assuming you like fun. Tickets are ?8 in advance, ?10 on the door, or you could rent a room, get breakfast the next morning, then go straight to work from there (just don't forget your work clothes). A room, breakfast and game entry (including some free drinks) is ?58 all in.
Cardiff
Offering the only free entry out of our list, Depot is taking on the pigskin tossing carnage with a combination of imported craft beer and pop up style American food vans. Wales are playing Ireland in the 6 Nations before the screens switch over to the Super Bowl so Depot's pair of 30 foot long bars will undoubtedly be in full commission. Free.
Edinburgh
Fully embracing the bigger is better spirit, Sportsters are showing the Super Bowl's 50th anniversary on seven massive screens, hosting a huge game of beer pong, and most American of all, turning food into a competition with their Fireball hot wings challenge. There will be cheerleaders. Tickets: ?5.
Leeds
Shooters are pulling out all the stops in celebration. With ten pool tables and a host of pub gaming stations, including the classic measure-your-punch one, you'd do well to find a more American-themed bar than this. Advance tickets score you entry plus shots, two Coors (relax, it's only a one-off) and a burger or hotdog. Depending on how much you don't care about your New Year's resolution to lose a jean size, you can upgrade to mozzarella melts, nachos, curly fries and wings for an extra fiver. Advance tickets: ?15-?20. Free entry (standing, first-come first-served) on the night.
London
Balthazar's has refined the greasy craziness of a traditional Super Bowl party with a classy twist. For ?50 you get handmade cocktails, gourmet American cuisine (like the hot dog, above), access to the popcorn machine, and, helpfully assuming you'll be too hungover to sort out breakfast the next morning, a handmade breakfast pastry to take home. Advance tickets: ?50.
If you're in the home of the 20-something young professionals and looking for somewhere to watch the game, head to Honky Tonk Clapham. The New York-inspired restaurant has created the Domo Linebacker Bacon Burger in honour of the NFL championship game, which will be screened on six 50-inch plasma screens and a giant projector. Free.
Manchester
Of all the American Football teams in the UK, the Manchester Titans are one of the biggest and guess what? They are hosting their own Super Bowl party at Bierkeller in Printworks. If you were planning on going anywhere else in Manchester, then you are doing the Super Bowl wrong. Advance tickets: ?5.
Newcastle
A night out in Newcastle is no small affair, so for Shark Bar to be hailing the Super Bowl weekend their "biggest event of the year by far" means it's undoubtedly going to go off. There are only standing tickets available at this point, but both the packed atmosphere and mouthwatering menu will last until 2am, sorting an otherwise tame Sunday evening right out. Tickets: ?5.
By Sam Razvi
How Fit are NFL Players?
Answer: very. Before the beginning of this season, our friends over at Men's Fitness attended the Jacksonville Jaguars combine, a brutal scouting week that put hopefuls through their paces. Here are a few of the tests recruits are subjected to and the top performers for 2015 and all time. See how you measure up.
40-Yard Dash
What it tests: Acceleration and speed
What it is: The main event. Athletes sprint from a standing start, aiming to produce as much explosive power and speed as possible. They're timed at 10-, 20- and 40-yard [36.6m] intervals.
2015 top performer: JJ Nelson, wide receiver (4.28sec)
All-time top performer: Chris Johnson, running back 2008 (4.24sec)
Bench Press
What it tests: Strength endurance
What it is: Rack 225lb [102kg] on the flat bench press and crank out as many reps as (super) humanly possible before you have to dump the bar.
2015 top performer: Ereck Flowers, offensive tackle (37 reps)
All-time top performer: Stephen Paea, defensive end 2011 (49 reps)
RECOMMENDED: How to bench press like an NFL player
Vertical Jump
What it tests: Lower-body explosive power
What it is: How high can you jump? To avoid favouring the giants, this is the difference between the athlete's standing reach and his max jump reach.
2015 top performer: Chris Conley, wide receiver (45 inches) [1.14m]
All-time top performer: Chris Conley, 2015
Broad Jump
What it tests: Leg strength and balance
What it is: Think long jump without the run-up or sandpit. From a standing start, bound forwards and land with precision. Stumble forwards and you've blown it.
2015 top performer: Byron Jones, cornerback (12ft 3in) [3.73m]
All-time top performer: Byron Jones, 2015
3-Cone Drill
What it tests: Agility and co-ordination
What it is: Deceleration and coordination are as essential as top speed. Athletes sprint round an L-shaped course marked with cones, rapidly changing direction.
2015 top performer: Justin Coleman, cornerback (6.61sec)
All-time top performer: Jeffrey Maehl, wide receiver 2011 (6.42sec)
20-Yard Shuttle Run
What it tests: Agility and lateral speed
What it is: Also known as the 5-10-5. The athlete runs five yards [4.6m] to the right, touches a line, runs 10 yards to the left and runs back five yards to the start. Simple.
2015 top performer: Bobby McCain, cornerback (3.82sec)
All-time top performer: Jason Allen, cornerback 2006 (3.81sec)
By Sam Rider
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